7-1-7-4

mediocre
years-spanning harrassment with stephen tully dierks

In light of stephen tully dierks being exposed for the creep he is, I thought I’d share my story.

This started in 2011.

I lived in Kent, Ohio at the time but was cat-sitting at my friends’ apartment in Rogers Park (northern tip of Chicago) from December to January. I knew absolutely nobody in Chicago besides my two friends, who were out of town most of the time (it was the holidays). There were two guys I was facebook friends with, through alt lit, and had been emailing earlier in the year. I had struck up a sort of intimate/flirtatious email/chat relationship with Steve Roggenbuck, who would frequently mention his roommate and best friend, Dierks. At some time, Dierks started emailing me and was pretty flirty, too, but I wasn’t interested in him like that. I took advantage of my stay in Chicago to meet them in real life - I was excited because, in a giant city, I had no friends and needed company - and wanted to hang out with Steve after all the cute messages.

The two of them rode the train to my friends’ apartment. It was three years ago and we all drank together, so I can’t remember too many of the details (Roggenbuck was drinking, hah, so you know it was a long time ago). My friends were still in town so they had to experience it, too. I remember dierks sitting on the loveseat by himself in a deep v-neck that showed chest stubble - he very obviously shaved his chest - and khakis that were VERY tight in the crotch region. I’m pretty sure I asked him if he stuffed it. When they left, my friends voiced to me that they really didn’t like dierks (they’re lesbians, maybe they have some sort of creepy guy radar).

A couple days later after my friends had left to visit family, I made the trek to the guys’ apartment. I remember the Addison stop on the red line and the directions to their apartment almost perfectly. Dierks started complimenting me as soon as I walked in. Their apartment was tiny and dierks’s bedroom was actually the living room - so there was a huge bed in the common area, along with some plastic dressers, a kitchen table, and a string of christmas lights on the floor. We hung out and it was kind of boring. I played with the lights and dierks kept telling me how cool i was. He kept saying everything I was wearing was really cool. He pulled out his phone and started taking pictures of me. There was some really cheap beer in their fridge, I think it was bud light, and he kept asking me if I wanted it.
It got late and I decided to stay over. Steve was obviously more likable and intellectual than dierks, but I didn’t wan’t dierks to feel awkward, so I suggested that the three of us all sleep in dierks’s bed. It seemed like a really safe plan. Dierks gave me some boxers to sleep in. I had to sleep in the middle, I think because dierks didn’t want to sleep next to a man. I layed on my back and felt Steve cuddling into me. I think dierks must have sensed it, or felt the bed moving, because he almost immediately started cuddling my other side. I was trapped between them, uncomfortable, and didn’t sleep at all until dierks left for work in the morning.

For some comic relief, I was on my period and when I woke up, ended up bleeding on his boxers and their bathroom floor.
That night, Steve came over and we hooked up. It was the night before he was moving back to Michigan, so I didn’t see him again after that. It was a couple days before Christmas.
I saw dierks after Christmas. He wanted me to come over and get drunk. I didn’t have any other friends in Chicago at the time, and I had been alone in my friends’ apartment for almost a week, so I went over. I remember I was wearing a vintage yellow dress and white tights. He kept complimenting me and telling me how good I looked, how thin I was, how nice my butt looked. I remember I was sitting on the floor making paper cranes (there was nothing left in the apartment but his bed and plastic dressers at this point). He kept telling me to get on the bed. I didn’t want to and told him to sit on the floor. He did, but complained about how uncomfortable it was and kept mentioning how comfortable his bed was. He kept belittling me for sitting on the floor. Eventually I lounged on his bed to make him shut up, and he put his hands up to mimic a camera and started making snapshot noises with his mouth and was pretending to take pictures of my butt. The way he stared at me made me really uncomfortable.

At one point, he kept commenting on Steve spending the night with me nearly a week earlier and asking me what he was like in bed, stuff like that. I mentioned that I didn’t think Steve would have talked to him about it, and he said something like, “He didn’t. You just confirmed my suspicions.” I remember being really mad.

I’m not sure what happened next, but we were drinking shitty beer and he unzipped my dress while i was laying on my stomach. We ended up sleeping together. I remember he was dominant and his shaved chest stubble really hurt my chest. I had a really bad rash on my chest from it.
I don’t know why I kept going back to his house for the next week. I was really alone in Chicago and thought maybe we could just be friends, but he always got me drunk and then sex would happen. I remember trying to prolong “friend time” every night because I knew that when “friend time” ended, I would end up in his bed, under him, with his chest stubble hurting me. I remember telling him I didn’t want to because his chest stubble was hurting me. I had a painful rash on my chest from it. It was so douchey that he shaved his chest. I told him to stop shaving it, and as far as I know, he still doesn’t shave it anymore.

The last time we hung out that winter (my friends were coming home, thank god), he told me that it was really nice seeing me, and that he couldn’t believe he had sex with someone as “hot” as me. He told me that now that he knows he can get “really hot cool chicks” like me, he was going to raise his standards and only go after really attractive, sexy girls. He was such a douche. 

We talked and remained friendly on gchat. He would tell me whenever he was seeing a girl and I would be happy for him - he also had virtually no friends in Chicago - but he would always seem annoyed that I was happy about it. He would occassionally say things like “well you picked steve first” and always seemed really pissed about it. I remember asking him one time why I was never published in Pop Serial, and felt that he was alluding to the reason being that I “picked steve first”. So I’ve never been in Pop Serial.

AWP happened in Chicago in 2012 and I asked dierks beforehand if I could sleep on his couch. He got really weird and dickish and told me that he already had a girl that was coming there to sleep with him. He was scheduling a reading at his apartment during which there would be a big party, and I asked him about me reading at it. At first, he told me ok, then later he said no, that I was not allowed to read. I felt really confused about the whole thing. He said the schedule was really tight, but he was being a huge dick about it. He was really sour about it but I didn’t care - I thought it was weird and I laughed about it with mal, jordan, and noah on our drive up there.

The first night we met everyone at a club. My friends left me there so I ended up going back to cassandra nguyens with everyone else. dierks kept following me around her apartment and was asking me to sleep with him. i kept trying to get away from him but he would always end up next to me. I remember crispin best saved my ass by telling me i could sleep on the weird day bed with him. I don’t know if he knows he saved my ass, but he was really an angel.

The next night, after the convention, dierks had a big alt lit party at his apartment. I generally had a really good time. I was there was noah cicero, and i vaguely remember some drama surrounding that because dierks saw that noah was at his house and really wanted him to read something. I confronted dierks about the non-existent “tight schedule” and he got really pissed off. The girl that had made plans to stay with dierks was there with her friends, I don’t remember her name right now. She was hitting on jordan castro the whole time, like, very heavily. I remember laughing about it. I remember dierks getting really mad. I watched him throw/slam an open, mostly full can of beer against his kitchen wall in anger in front of a bunch of people, because he was so mad about jordan. After he collected himself, he approached me and told me that if I wanted to stay over, the spot was now available to me. I was disgusted and walked away from him.

The next year, I went to visit my friends in chicago again for a weekend. The same weekend, there was a house that mal, jordan, and sam pink were doing a reading at. I rode the bus with one of my friends to the reading, where we saw dierks meandering around with a younger-looking girl on his arm - he always had his arm around her. I went up to say hi to them, and dierks talked/acted like he had never met me before and hardly knew who I was. I tried to introduce myself to the girl he was with, but he cut me off and started introducing himself - like he had literally never met me before. He treated my friend the same way. I never caught the name of the girl he was with.

In April 2013, brittany wallace and i planned a trip to new york to meet up with some of our friends who had lived there. The night we arrived, none of our friends were available to meet us at the bus stop. As a last resort, I contacted dierks, who was living in brooklyn now and more than happy to have us sleep over at his place. I remember seeing him on the sidewalk as the bus pulled up and feeling regret. He had a job at thought catalog and took us to some bar that he said brandon gorrell really liked. Brittany and I didn’t really like the bar, and dierks, who was sitting next to me, pulled out his phone and was visibly texting brandon gorrell about what bar he should take us to. I remember thinking “what a fucking douche”. He took us to another bar, which was fine, but again he was visibly texting gorrell about other bars he could take us to. We went to yet another bar that gorrell recommended before getting on the subway to go home. I think dierks bought most of the drinks that night.
When we got to his apartment, there was a couch in the kitchen/common area that his roommate was passed out drunk on. Dierks told us that we could both sleep in his bedroom. i think we heard his roommate get up and go to his room, because dierks kept pulling me aside and telling me that i needed to get brittany to sleep on the couch. Sleeping alone with dierks was not something i was interested in, at all. I insisted on brittany sleeping in the bed with us. Once again, I didn’t sleep until dierks got up for work. When brittany and I woke up, we were both really skeeved out. We hung out with his insanely adorable italian roommate, who said that dierks had told him we had dated in the past (which we hadn’t…).

Later that day we met up with some of our actual friends, who in an ironic twist of fate, lived literally around the corner from dierks. We walked with one of our friends, who is a man, to dierks’s house to pick up our backpacks. Dierks answered the door in nothing but a bath towel, and did not appear to have just gotten out of the shower. He saw our friend and said, “WHOA, I didn’t know there was going to be a man with you!” and shut the door to just a crack he could look out of, like he didn’t want a man seeing him in a towel, but if it had just been two women it would have been perfectly acceptable or something. We stated that we had just come for our stuff, kind of barged our way into the door, got our bags, and left. There was some small talk, but it didn’t last long.

A couple days later, he texted me that he was at a bar with sarah jean alexander and some of her friends. I was interested in meeting her, so brittany and I took the subway to get to the bar - except we got lost, ended up walking, and got there pretty late. When we walked in, dierks was sitting alone at a booth. I thought he had tricked us into meeting up with him, but he said that sarah and her friends left because they needed to go to bed. Granted it was pretty late when we got there, I still felt weird about it. Dierks ordered another drink for himself, brittany got a drink and I got a soda. We sat at the booth, I ended up sitting next to him, and he kept “accidentally” touching my leg with his hand. I had to tell him to stop more than once. I asked him why he didn’t leave with everyone else, and he said, “I could just go home, or I could just go home with you guys.”

I was getting really annoyed with him, and told him that he was not leaving with us. Brittany and I got up to leave and told him that we were going to stay the night at our friend’s house. Dierks got very upset, followed us out of the bar, and kept repeating “Well if you’re just going to your friend’s house, I’m just gonna leave!” and we just kept saying “ok.” He kept asking questions about our friend, wanting to know who they were, where they lived, male or female, shit like that. Eventually I was fed up and asked him why he was being so nosey. He stopped walking and threw his hands up in the air. He got spastic and loud and shook brittany’s hand and practically yelled, “YOU KNOW WHAT, IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU!” He turned around and started walking away, but stopped after two steps. He turned back around, stuck his arms straight out at me with his middle fingers in the air, and yelled, “FUCK YOU!!” before turning back around and huffing away very quickly.

It was around this time that I deleted my original facebook because I couldn’t stand the “alt lit community” anymore. Everyone loved pop serial and dierks and i couldn’t stand it. Most of my facebook friends were writers, dierks was all over my feed. I deleted facebook, unfollowed a bunch of blogs/people/tumblrs, and pretty much disappeared from the community as much as I could in an attempt to get this creep out of my life.

The last encounter with dierks was earlier this year. Brittany and I were in brooklyn again. Our friend was DJing at bossa nova and all the alt lit people showed up. It was nice seeing everyone and meeting new people, but I got stuck talking to dierks for a while. He was obviously really fucked up and kept telling me that he had done a bunch of coke. For the rest of the time we were in new york, dierks kept texting me to ask me for drugs. At this point, I had been done with drugs for a while, so I took a lot of offense to this. That’s the last time I saw him. 

After years of randomly having to deal with his shit and my failed attempts to tell people about him, I’m glad that he’s finally being exposed for what he truly is. I know this is long, but I’m glad to finally share it. Thanks for reading, I hope this helps someone.

— 2 weeks ago with 33 notes
#alt lit  #dierks 
cheers and congrats everyone, gonna buy like 4 pizzas now #interzona

cheers and congrats everyone, gonna buy like 4 pizzas now #interzona

— 4 months ago with 1 note
#interzona